Mastery

I recently heard someone speaking about not letting the past become your master, but rather, your servant.  In other words, allowing your past to serve you and not permitting it to rule you.

One should not underestimate the impact that a major life change such as moving country can have.  Personally, I went through a great deal of transition as I was entering my fourth decade.  I was newly married, giving up my career and house, relocating overseas, starting over in a new place, learning to drive a different way, seeking to integrate, make new friends, and much more.

As I kept in regular touch with folks back ‘home’ through Skype, social media, and even my expat blog, I found myself focusing on the positive in my communications with others, and remaining upbeat as I regaled them with tales of my new adventures.  I believe this was in part to reassure loved ones about my choice to uproot.

While I truly have no regrets, and am generally happy and mostly settled in my new country of residence, there have been times I was tempted to dwell in the past.  No matter how good or right a life changing decision can be, there are times when closing one chapter can lead to the pitfall of self-doubt.  For example, I had previously enjoyed a long career marked with successes and promise.  I owned my own home, had a decent income, and was independent and filled with the confidence that comes naturally to those that feel at home and sure of their place.  When I met and later married the right life-partner for me, I embarked on a very new adventure, which left me less sure of my place in the world.  In crept feelings of failure after my career was over.  It took me a long time to realize that I was still defining myself by my old life, and of course I wouldn’t measure up in those terms.

I believe that one of the most empowering things an expat can do is to come up with new terms in which to define one’s self and one’s happiness.  Let go of what once was, and stop letting it haunt you or hold you back.  Don’t make apologies for where you are now.  Embrace your present, and see what you can make of it, even if it in no way resembles your past life.

Don’t be a servant to your past.  Master it, and see how it can serve you, and perhaps even others.