A *sticky* situation

I recently saw a set of sticky notes which made me laugh.  You know the kind you generally see in offices for the purpose of relaying a message to someone… but with a twist.   The heading states ‘Complaint’, and then there are lines and boxes to fill in labeled ‘To:’, ‘Whose Fault:’ (mine, yours, ours, other), ‘Desired Outcome:’ (apology, explanation, litigation, restitution, promotion, change).   I think every couple should own a set. 

If I were filling one out today, I think I’d outline a cultural divide which I’m going to have to work on narrowing (translation: which I’m going to have to cross entirely as I won’t ever be met in the middle on this one!) to survive life in the UK, and to keep A from scratching his head in disbelief and bewilderment at times. 

At the risk of worrying my British friends and acquaintances who don’t see this side of me, I have to confess that as an American (who still presently resides in America), I can at times become, shall we say, animated.  I suspect this won’t be as big a problem in person as it tends to be over the telephone.  A and I will be discussing for example some difficulty I may have encountered, or a controversial political subject, or some type of injustice, or really any topic about which I have an impassioned view, and at some point in the conversation A perceives I am starting to shout, when I haven’t shouted even once.  While our telephone connectivity is dodgy at times and I believe this is a factor, I also realize that A is sometimes mistaking American animation for shouting.  I am starting to understand why Americans are viewed in other parts of the world as loud.  What A doesn’t understand is, if my calm speaking voice is say, a 4 or 5 out of 10 in volume… my animated voice may be  a 6 , 7, or 8.  My true shouting voice (rarely used in life!) is capable of a 10 or higher.  I think by contrast, I once heard a British female telling someone how very angry she was… at a very controlled level 3! 

Clearly, I am going to have to dial it down a couple of notches once overseas.  


~

Complaint: Mistaken intent ~ animation versus shouting to the American and British ear

To: A and perhaps to all of the UK

Whose Fault: Mine, No One’s, American Culture, Accident of Birth, ?

Desired Outcome: Change.  My adaptation to British culture for purposes of reduced misunderstandings in this regard